Ministry of Propaganda

Ministry of Propaganda - 15/Feb/2006: "Warning Against Unlawful Action"

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Warning Against Unlawful Action

Yes, it's that time again, the monthly letter from TV Licensing has arrived and here's the entry commenting on it. This time Mr Hales (for it is him again) tries to scare me with some legal jargon (or what he believes to be legal jargon). First the envelope, in fairly large red capital it has LEGAL INFORMATION ENCLOSED written on it. Aha, I thought, let's see what that might be:

Mr Hales seems to like capital letters I think, in large capital letters (not in red though) the letter is titled: WARNING AGAINST UNLAWFUL ACTION. Whatever that means. But we read on: You are hereby notified that if you are using television receiving equipment to watch or record television programmes at the above address, you are acting in contravention of the Communications Act 2003. Uh, that sounds nasty. Don't think I would want to act in contravention of some act or other.

Then the usual blurb about no licence at this address (oh, really?) and that I haven't responded to their previous communications (guess why...). Which means: Therefore we have no choice but to investigate. Well, I think there is another choice: Send me the pre-paid envelope you have promised and stop asking me to call an expensive 0870 number. How about that, Mr Hales?

But no: If evidence is found that any such equipment is being used on your property without a licence, you will be cautioned and your statement may be taken, in compliance with the relevant criminal law. Yeah, yeah. Only one problem there: You won't find any evidence for the obvious reason that I don't have any TV receiving equipment. Meaning no caution and no statement. What then? This is the first step in our action to prosecute if an offence is suspected. You are beginning to bore me. Again.

I strongly advise you to visit or call the Payment Helpline on 0870 240 3210 immediately and buy a TV Licence.

I strongly advise you to visit or call me and apologise for sending me all these threatening letters accusing me of being a criminal and 'acting in contravention' of the relevant laws.

Enough of this nonsense, I better do something productive. (Too right! Ed.)

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